These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I feel that in light of all the thing that have gone on since the end of last year and the beginning of this year, I need to make a list that reflects on the positives in my life...the things that I wake up for everyday.
First and foremost, my favorite people and inspirations: My sons
Favorite food: My grandfather's meatballs (now my dad has taken that role over)
Favorite desert: A toss up between Butter Tarts and Versea's dessert  (old family recipes, as well)
Favorite drink: Vanilla Coke (much to the dismay of my brother and doctor as I am diabetic)
Cook or Bake: I like to bake
Favorite animal: Cats
Favorite activity: Walking
Favorite hobby: Reading
Favorite Genre: a mix of horror and a touch of innocent romance- not the raunchy stuff
Favorite era: the 1950s
Favorite Precious Stone: Emerald
Favorite College: I'm a Bearcat, baby!!
Favorite Musical Group: Paramore
Favorite Song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perry
Favorite Artist: Melissa Faulkner-Vanzant
Favorite Actress: Audrey Hepburn
Favorite Actor: Tom Hanks
What I want in life: To be successful and make my kids proud
What I wish for: Someone to share my life with, a companion. It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, but I want someone I can trust who will care for me no matter what- good or bad. Friend or significant other, whatever I am blessed  with.
My short term goal: To graduate with my Bachelor's, get a good paying job, and get my own place
My long term goal: To get past my short term goals and then go from there. :)

Ugh!

As my academic career draws to a close, one would think that my problems would begin to dissipate. However, that is not the case. I am currently attempting to get the bureaucracy off its duff to catch up with my dead-beat ex-husband. He had quit his job abruptly to move with his live-in to Georgia. I recently pursued legal actions against my ex-husband that currently have left him with supervised visitation. Apparently, in Ohio, no parent can behave badly enough to warrant the ties that bind being severed- at least temporarily until said parent completes mandated counseling and/or parenting classes. The latter has been left optional for him.
In the mean time, it is my children who suffer the greatest, no longer having medical coverage or child support to help offset some of our living expenses. I don't blame my agency caseworker, she is great- always on top of things. I blame the system that allows this to happen. The system that says that as long as some mediocre payment is made- not the amount that has been order, but an obscure amount, such as $30 or even less- they cannot touch him. He has moved without leaving the enforcement agency and the court a forwarding address AND he failed to update ANY employer information, thus the cutoff in support payments and insurance, Yet, still, nothing is done.

So, for me what I am and have been contemplating this last month or so is not the teachings of Descartes or the lectures of my various subjects in criminal justice that I have heard this week,no, what is bantering back and forth in my mind is how I will keep food on the table and get my kids their prescriptions and doctor's appointments. So much for the system.

Iams Update

In response to the pleadings of the Humane Society of Preble County and the phone calls/emails of those of us concerned about what is going on, the Iams Company has offered to support the shelter TEMPORARILY until they can get through the crisis posed by the corporation. The Humane Society posted today:

“We have just received a call from Iams, and they have offered to ship dog food to our facility to help us through this immediate crisis. We understand this will not be something they can do in the future, but their willingness to help us and to give us time to work this into our budget is simply a wonderful gift. We are especially grateful to Julie from Iams who pulled this together for us. We are also grateful to those of you who have brought dog food to us and who voiced your concern to Iams. Thank you Iams and our community of animal lovers for coming to our aid. Thank you from the board members and staff and from the approximately 110 dogs currently at our facility as they wait for their very own family to come.” http://www.facebook.com/pages/Humane-Society-of-Preble-County/193203296085

While this may seem like a small victory, it is actually just putting a Band-Aid on a fatal wound. As previously posted, the shelter DOES NOT have it in its budget to feed the dogs for the year. Please continue to contact Iams on behalf of the shelter.

Boycott

On Monday, the Humane Society of Preble County, Ohio posted on their Facebook page, the following:

"Can you help our dogs? We are in serious need of Dog Chow. We have just found out today from Iams that they will no longer supply us with food although they have supplied us with food for the last 15-20 years. We currently have over 100 dogs at our facility (and can they eat!). We have no money budgeted for food, because we never had to budget for that! We do not know where we are going to get the money to feed all of our animals- so we are looking for help. Since we have found that Purina Dog Chow (in the green bag- see photo) is good wholesome food we are asking for donations of that type. Thank you. As always we appreciate your generosity."

I then emailed Iams expressing my displeasure with their decision to quit supporting the shelter. Here is their reply:

"Dear Nicole:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Iams. I would be happy to assist you today.

Our company makes frequent and generous donations to support animal shelters, disaster relief organizations and other groups dedicated to dogs and cats in need. We receive many pet food requests annually and would like to donate to each and every one, however, it is not feasibly possible. Each year our company reevaluates our feeding programs and all updates will be posted on our company website at www.iams.com.

Please contact us anytime through our E-mail Us Now page located on our web site at www.IAMS.com. Or, look for instant answers on our web site FAQ. We would also welcome your call Monday through Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Eastern Time at 800-675-3849.

Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

Sandy

Iams Pet Care Team Member"

I am boycotting Iams. I will no longer use their products. It is cold and callous to cut the support of the shelter without warning or merit after helping them for 15+ years. How can a company claim to care for animals and leave more than 100 dogs without food?

Regrets

I know this girl, she is the cousin of my ex-husband. I looked through this girl's and my sister's photos on Facebook today. As I did, this nagging in the lower left side of my chest began, just under my heart. I see pictures of them with friends and having experiences in different parts of the country or world. Oh, how I envy them sometimes. Even my brother, who has always been a measure of perfect. They seem to have it all. Looks, healthy relationships, education, and above all- they have done things RIGHT.

I, on the other hand, had to get my high school diploma from a home correspondence program 4 YEARS after I was supposed to graduate. I had my first son at 17 and my second at 18 (I almost made 19, but he didn't want to wait those three extra weeks). I married at 18 and stayed home to take care of our kids, but the relationship was so abusive I had to get out. I went looking for a job and stumbled into one working with the State. I managed to save enough money to get me and my kids out of there- that was at 22. The divorce was finalized by the time I was 24. Things were going good for awhile: I enrolled in college and thought that I had fallen in love again. I moved in with said interest of mine and we had plans to get married. Then, things couldn't have gotten worse and I moved out. Following the typical pattern of the abused (emotionally, not physically- this time), I let him talk me back into moving in. Things were great for about a year. There has been a steady decline in relations between myself and this man. Funny, I don't even call him my boyfriend anymore. So here I am, on disability from being injured by an inmate at the prison, I did graduate with an Associate's in criminal justice (total waste of time), and I am currently working on my Bachelor's in Paralegal studies, I live with someone that I can barely stand and my kids don't like. I have got my self into quite a pickle.

My regrets? Putting my children through garbage while trying to find my way through life and make something respectable out of myself. I wish that I hadn't done the dumb things that I did that caused me to be pulled out of school and be home schooled. I would have loved to enjoyed friends, and proms, and maybe swimming or volleyball. I wish that I had graduated high school with my class and had proud parents to be there watching me get my diploma. I wish I had gone to college right away and graduated before even thinking about starting a family. I wish that I had found the right one to be married to, to have my WONDERFUL boys with, and make a life with. I wish I didn't have to struggle to give my kids what they need and I would love to give them what they want (within reason, of coarse). I feel that, thus far, I have failed them. I know that I have failed myself. But I keep telling myself, "I am working on it, I am going to fix this." However, I am so afraid that I can't. I am even more afraid of my kids thinking their mother is a loser, a disappointment, and a failure. I think that is what keeps me going.

Summer Update

The summer started off well. The boys went to camp and had a fairly good time. They came home for a night and then were off to their father's for his standard order of visitation summer vacation time. I say it that way because my ex-husband is what I deem to be an "Undesirable." He has severe personal and mental issues. If it weren't for a court order saying I have to turn the kids over to him for visitation, I wouldn't. But, with heaven's grace, that may all change soon. Let me explain.

A week after the boys went to their father's, my boyfriend and I left for Las Vegas. He was taking some much needed vacation time. I am the one who had the responsibility of keeping track of the important stuff, which is why- in my opinion- he asked me to come along. With in three days of being there, I received a call at 3 a.m. Vegas time from my ex's girlfriend. In a rage, he had hit her twice in the face and then tried to run her down in his work truck. She needed to return the boys. Luckily my sister was in town staying at my place, so I told her to drop them off there.

Later that day, my younger son was texting me and talking to my sister. He disclosed to us that while he was arguing with his brother , their father had screamed at them to stop. When they didn't, their father grabbed the youngest up by the collar of his shirt and threw him down on the stairs. He said his back hurt. I asked my sister to check his back, there was a bruise the size of a half dollar and a quarter on his back.

Needless to say, I contacted everyone I could think of: the sheriff's department, children's services, domestic violence groups, and my attorney. I am in the process of trying to reduce his visitation time, at this point, if not get supervised visitation. Now the authorities, they are another story. Children's services said that if the bruise was the size I said it was,then they probably wouldn't pursue it because while it is inappropriate parenting, it isn't significant abuse. I trip for a temporary protection order: the magistrate said there wasn't a significant threat to warrant a TPO. I have requested a hearing that I have to attend this coming week. My response to these people was, "What doe he have to do, put one or both of my kids in the hospital before anyone will do anything?" Our system is f***ed up.

If my action seem extreme, allow me to give you this guy's background. The first time he hit me, I was 4 months pregnant with our second child- but there were signs before that: yelling, degradation, erratic and explosive mood swings. But I was young and "in love." I barf at the thought now. I stayed in the relationship for a total of seven years. There had been threats that if I ever left he would kill me. I left when I found a full time, good paying job that I knew could support me and my kids. The night before I left was the final straw. He had hit me in the face and threw me face down on the bed and tried to smother me. I remember thinking, "My kids are going to find me dead." I obtained a protection order against him after I figured out he was stalking me. I look back now and think how crazy it all was. As the months went on, I began to doubt myself and my ability to take care of us. I was scared that maybe some of what he used to tell me was true. There was one time that I tried to go back. That is when my dad metaphorically knocked me to my senses. I haven't looked back since.

At this point in time, it isn't just me who sees this so-called man for what he is- even his own family thinks he is scum. They don't talk to him, if they have he has conned them out of money and not talked to them since.

He has been arrested for assault on a stranger several reports filed about domestic violence, but no charges filed. He has been investigated for abuse of my kids at least twice. He is a part time or volunteer firefighter, depending on his schedule, but has had to leave at least three departments because they have found out about his actions.

So, I ask- how is this person allowed to be around children, around people as a public servant? I still haven't been able to answer this questions. I hope there is a heaven and a hell, because I am pretty sure he has a one-way ticket to the pit of fire.

Summer Begins...

Now that the boys are out of school, I have been doing a lot of running around with them. Yesterday, we went to the garage sales nearby us. Although I only found one thing for myself, they managed to find 6-10 things each for themselves. They spent about $7.00. If you have ever been garage saleing, you know that is a lot for just two little boys.

Today, I took them to the Boy Scout store and Target to pick up the things they will be needing for summer camp. A slight error in judgment as my patience was tested on many levels. Usually I go the Scout store by myself unless I need them with me to try something on. Today, I did need them to try in some shorts, however, I did not expect the level of parochial behavior they exhibited. Like typical children, they ran around the store wanting everything in sight, except what we came to get. They even found the free popcorn that the store gives out. I had to tell them numerous times to "come here" and "settle down."

And yet, after their display of juvenile antics, they exhibit some adult characteristics that you have to admire and be proud of- like thinking of their others before themselves, taking on additional responsibilities around the house, etc. They impress me everyday. They have taken the troubles in their little lives in stride and (for the most part) been the bigger men. They are my examples in life, they show me that the world still has innocence in it.

Overall, I am enjoying this extra time that I get to spend with them, for in less than three weeks they will be at camp, then their father's, and finally on vacation with their grandparent's until the end of their summer break. I will miss them more than they could ever know. I feel empty when they aren't around.